Princess
by IanPhilippe
Summary: Oneshot about Remus and reasons of a person he did not expect to meet... just a little thing that was in my head long enough and I felt like writing it


**Princess **

**Disclaimer:** All of these wonderful characters belong to JKR of course… though she certainly wouldn't make them do the things I've made them do ;) 

**A/N:** Rated as it is, because I wasn't too sure how to rate it – if anyone thinks it should be rated differently, please let me know… Also please excuse my lame mix of US and UK English, I'm terribly easily influenced by the books I read and the last thing I read was absolutely fantastic Witching Hour by Anne Rice… in US English ;;;

When he entered the room, people in there didn't avert their eyes from radiating screens in front of them. He didn't expect so; with some silver stripes in his light-brown hair, wearing old grey coat, he wasn't much of a man to look at. He wasn't even a man – beast, murderer they called him. Or "little fluffy problem" – he remembered smiling face of a certain someone with messy black hair and round glasses and sat down in the dark corner of the room.

It started about half a year ago, this new mania called Internet. It did not matter anymore, who was pure-blood wizard and who was muggle-born. Old wizards or Hogwarts´ students, everyone enjoyed it.

Even him, a werewolf, had fallen for this kind of entertainment. There had been a lot of information on many sites, but what he liked most was thing called "chat". To talk with someone he'd never seen, don't have to be scared of his own identity, a werewolf's identity… this was something he had hoped for from his childhood times.

Remus Lupin logged in and became "moonshine".

_  
moonshine has joined… _

moonshine: Anyone knows where's Dumbledore?  


Though it was painful, this simple sentence became a password to tell a wizard from a muggle. Remus almost laughed when some typical muggle-bullshit came as an answer. Next one was a person he knew very well...

_  
princess: There you are, shiny. Been a long time…  
_

Remus smiled. He already knew this person, this "princess" for a long time. To be honest, she was the first person he ever chatted with through the Net. They had understood each other very well, though they never met. Werewolf's fingers danced on the keyboard as he talked to that secretive "princess", as they played an old game. Not to reveal too much, but to speak honestly – Remus knew it and he liked it, for she was the only one to whom he could reveal his innermost feelings. And she listened (or at least read) to his messages and wrote back, wrote her own memories and thoughts.

It was not the first time Remus felt guilty about those minutes with "princess" which he valued so much: he felt extremely guilty, when he thought about one certain Auror. Yes, he liked Tonks – he liked her cheering smile, her somewhat silly jokes and he liked how she could be serious when needed. But somehow he felt it was not right – he knew from the beginning, that he was far too much old for her and it was not some stupid self-sacrifice feeling he had. She could be as great as she was, but something was just not right.

_  
princess: Wanna meet?  
_

For a few minutes he didn't answer. He didn't know how: he wanted to meet her, though his conscience was strictly against it. Eventually he wrote what he thought could be at least partially right answer.

_  
moonshine: I doubt you wanna meet me, you know…_

princess: Why?

moonshine: I don't like full moon, got it?

princess: Neither do I, though I'm not as fluffy as you are : )  


Remus smiled again. She really knew him well… maybe it was not as great a new for her as he thought.

_  
moonshine: Are you not afraid of me being a werewolf?_

princess: And you're not afraid of me, being a Death Eater?  


Remus lifted his eyebrow: was she for real? Could it possibly be that this woman, a person this nice is someone so very cruel? Was she really someone from the group whom he was fighting?

Eventually he considered it a joke (or an attempt to encourage him) and nodded for himself. 

_  
moonshine: OK then, when and where?_

princess: Know that bar near the Tower? Hell-something…

moonshine: Yup. Meeting at eight? Tomorrow?

princess: I'm looking forward to see you, wolf. Have a black rose with you.  


Then she logged out. Remus smiled again – he smiled so much when he chatted with her it was almost unbelievable for Remus himself. Fighting against last feelings of guilt, he paid for the time on the Net and left that simple room in the centre of London.

_Looking forward to see you, princess… yes, I am. _

It was already dark when he walked towards the bar. The rain washed the dirt of city away and now even that small, not too well-known alley was beautiful, sparkling raindrops all over the path.

He lifted his gaze and saw big, wooden letters saying Helldorado. He liked this bar, although very few people knew about it… or was it _because_ there were so few people at this place? Maybe it was mix of both.

The dark of the entry hall embraced him with warmth of the heated room. There were a few fireplaces and in every one of them burned familiar flames. The bar itself was one huge room, wooden tables placed far from each other with the comfortable chairs. Despite the name of the bar, atmosphere here was not like in some kind of Spanish inn – it reminded Remus of wizard pubs, though most of the guests were muggles.

He took his coat off and sat down at the small table near the window. He liked the view from here: it wasn't possible to see the filth of the river – only waves that looked somewhat alive. Though no one would say it, Remus also liked to watch the Moon, changing its shape and even a color every night, never exactly the same.

Remus looked around: there was an old, drunken lady near the bar and one other woman. For a moment, his heart missed a beat as he thought it could be her. But then he realized there was no black rose on the table in front of the woman. He began to study her and even think how she would look like.

That woman looked slightly sleepy and on her table, there were many empty glasses. She had long, brown-red hair and round, pale face. She looked good, but it was not what Remus was expecting. He knew it: "princess" had to be somewhat mysterious, though kind and attractive in many ways. He had felt that never-ending sorrow even in her jokes; he had read that sarcasm in her every reply. And it didn't matter to him – it was kind of close to his own heart. For no particular reason, he expected tall, slim woman, he could almost see her dark eyes and hair. The image of fat lady in her fifties just didn't fit "princess".

Impatiently, he looked around once more. Newspaper lying on the table next to him attracted his attention and he began to read, knowing he would go mad if he had to just sit and look around.

The black rose appeared on the wrinkled page and he looked up in anticipation.

"Moonshine?" asked that person carefully and Remus nodded, though he frowned. 

"Princess couldn't make it?" he asked and he could feel the smile behind the person's hood. That person was definitely neither a princess nor even a woman. He was wearing black jeans and black coat with hood: black seemed to be his favorite color, for the black shirt was visible under the coat.

"How do you think the "princess" looks like?" asked the man and Remus shrugged. 

"I don't know… I can only guess."

He felt that amused smile under the hood again:

"And what do you guess?" 

The man seated himself opposite the werewolf as Remus finally answered, a little bit embarrassed of his thoughts:

"I think… she's tall, not too old, dark hair, dark eyes… I don't know why, but I feel so."

For some reason, conversation was not as unpleasant as Remus thought it would be. However, the man laughed at his reply:

"You're right. Though one thing doesn't fit - I never said I was a woman."

Remus looked at him in shock:

"W…what? You're princess?"

"Why not? And it's not as if I gave myself a female title. In fact, it's a "prince", you know…"

Remus was surprised: not only was the "princess" a male, but also that voice - he knew it from somewhere, he was sure…

"So why "princess"?

Again came that unseen smile.

"I am prince, and I am princess too…"

The man took off his hood and Remus Lupin almost cried with shock, as he looked to those well-known, hated eyes, now filled with something that was certainly a hopeless look. Now he began to understand – he very well remembered that story about Half-Blood Prince Harry told them in the summer.

"Severus Snape. It's SS. So I am Prince-SS."

"Damned bastard," shrieked Remus and his mind went totally blank. Snape stood up as he obviously wanted to take his leave, but Remus wouldn't let him – he was too furious to do that. He even couldn't control his own hands as they reached and gripped pale neck of that hated person, not noticing people staring at them - or he just didn't mind their scared looks. 

"Why did you…"

It was already too late when Remus realized that familiar uncomfortable feeling of being pulled with someone disappariting.

Next moment, he was crowding that ´damned bastard´ to some dark wall. Just werewolf's surprise provided Severus with some fresh air to his lungs – former professor took a few deep breaths, when that painfully strong grip on his neck loosened. Then he showed one of his cynical grins: 

"Welcome to my mansion, sir."

"Cut it out, you bastard. Why did you take me here?" growled Remus and with slight uneasiness looked around. The room they were in was apparently hall – it was small, dark and long, with old, muddy Venetian carpet on the floor.

"Tea or coffee?"

"What?" Remus turned around to see amused look on that unhealthy, pale face.

"I'm asking you if you'd like tea or coffee, coz I suppose it'll be long discussion we are to have."

"I'm discussing nothing with you…"

"Yeah, you're just gonna kill me here, am I right?"

To Remus, it certainly didn't look like Snape would be against this idea. And suddenly it struck him hard, that painful, lonely expression which was carved into Snape's face, and he decided to listen to whatever this person had to say. Didn't mean he was going to forgive him, not ever. That bitterly looking man was the cause of death of many people Remus had held dear – James and Lily, Sirius, Dumbledore. In addition, the last person mentioned was killed with the very hands that were serving him tea now. For a second, Remus wondered how many human beings died because of single wave of this man's wand.

Remus let himself be leaded to the small living room; the furniture was apparently chosen in haste – pieces didn't match each other and the antique chairs looked older than their owner himself. However, it wasn't as dark and uncomfortable as Remus thought it would be.

"So? What is it that you want to say that badly?" Remus spoke more harshly than he had wanted. Snape smirked:

"Don't worry. Kill me if you please it, anyway, my death is only a matter of time… but let me say one thing. You will solve nothing with it."

"But I'd certainly feel better," said Remus and with one glance at that sarcastic look in those black eyes, he just thought it would be relief.

To his surprise, Snape sighed and absentmindedly sipped coffee from his cup.

"It's not as easy as it seems… to kill a person."

Remus thought he misheard. The man that was supposed to be one of the most cold-hearted murderers of past years… what's the meaning of that? 

"What's your point? Do you want to persuade me that in fact, you're a nice old man giving sweets to children? Don't be stupid. Who would ever believe in that?"

"I'm not that old, you know… we're the same age. And I really hate those little brats whimpering for chocolate every time they see it. So your theory is wrong."

Remus was really starting to lose patience. 

"Say what you have to say and I'll go."

"No murder?"

"Cut the crap and speak."

Snape finished his black, thick coffee – the aroma filled the room long ago – and sighed again:

"I just want you to know my reasons."

"I don't need your fuckin´ reasons; you've killed people, to say it out loud!" Remus was furious once again, standing from his chair with fists clenched.

"If you won't listen to me, get out," spoke Snape, composedly at first look, but Remus could see his hands shaking badly. So he sat down once again and gave the other man suspicious look. Snape sighed and started speaking.

"I killed Dumbledore, I admit it. You cannot imagine the pain of killing the only person who doesn't consider you an untrustworthy murderer."

"So why…" started Remus, but Snape interrupted him.

"Because he wasn't important."

Remus jumped off his chair and again, his hands moved on their own. But now it wasn't struggling – his fist attacked Snape's pale face and his lip went all blood-covered by the time Remus was able to stop.

"What! To you, he was not important, you cold-hearted bastard! Don't you dare to tell me he wasn't important just after you said all that shit about him being the only person who trusted you! How can you sleep with picture of dying Dumbledore right in your mind!"

"I can't! That's why I want to tell you why I did it, so that I could die in peace, or at least with knowledge that there was once someone who understood my reasons and didn't accuse me of being some damned Death Eater piece of shit!"

Remus stepped backwards and with fear he looked at that person almost broken down, almost crying, and yelling at him all those things he would never consider possible for a Death Eater to feel.

"Understand?" Snape asked quietly and continued. "I said Dumbledore was not important, for he really wasn't now – there were days when Dark Lord had feared him but they are gone by now… Dumbledore was just way too old to maintain his position. He knew what Draco was plotting, not exactly, but he knew Draco had to kill him. And he asked me to do it, if young Malfoy proved to be useless, as he did in the end.  
So I did it, with great pain, of that you should know – even people like me have their feelings. And I did it, ´coz I understood, what he meant by saying it is not him who can save the Wizard world."

He looked at Remus once again and now, Remus could feel all of his grief. And suddenly, he pitied him, for there was no shoulder on which he could cry, no one, who would listen to him and say it would be better eventually. 

"Potter is the one to save us, Lupin. He is the one important, Chosen One, if you'd like… the one who has to be protected no matter what. I had to kill Dumbledore for the sake of Potter, who was there, paralyzed with some curse, watching all of what was happening, watching Malfoy not being able to kill a person, watching me murdering his beloved director instead of Draco and then running away… I ran, because if Potter was to recover from Dumbledore's curse too soon, he would chase me to the place crowded with Death Eaters and they would certainly kill him, for there was no Lily to cover him from Avada. And if Potter dies, we are dead meat; you understand that, don't you? It was my mistake to let him provoke me at the school fields, that big fat idiot Mortimer almost killed him there… and I too, I wanted to see him cry in pain… for though I had admitted Potter is necessary for our side to win, I couldn't restrain myself from hating him. It was my greatest weakness, my hatred – because of it I couldn't be reserved and reasonable…" 

Remus stood there, stunned by cold logic of things Snape said. He was right… and it must have been so very painful to know all that and not being understood by anyone.

"You said your death was only a matter of time… this is how you meant it?" 

Snape looked up from his empty cup and gave Remus a long, pained gaze.

"Not at all… My last chance for survival was you, I mean "moonshine". This chance faded out when I saw you at that bar. To be honest, I hesitated for almost ten minutes, if I shouldn't turn round and disappear from that bar without a word… and this possibility was really alluring, you know…"

"So why haven't you done that?" Remus didn't understand a word from what Snape had said. "And why I was your chance… or whatever…" 

The smile was now very, very bitter.

"This, I don't know… maybe I hoped my plan wasn't totally ruined yet…"

"What plan?"

Remus began to understand his motives. He feared he understood it too well…

Snape shrugged and took a deep breath:

"From the very beginning, I knew that "moonshine" is a werewolf. If you ask me why, it was something like an intuition. There were many "wolves" or even "werewolves" on that channel, but I knew the real thing wouldn't be that obvious. And your nick… I just knew. I started the conversation and you seemed to me like reasonable person, with his own ghosts under his bed, someone who understands me pretty well… I thought you would help me. You know, most of the werewolves now are under Greyback… but I think this way is closed now, for they don't love you too much from the time they realized you were the dog of the Order after all, do they?" 

Remus almost smiled at his remark.

"They love me so much they would eat me for sure, if they find me. But tell me: what was that plan you had? Maybe I could help you even if my relationship with Fenrir now isn't too good…"

Remus wondered why he said that; why would he help this man, but came to no reasonable conclusion. Only thing he could think about was that extreme loneliness and helplessness staring at him from every corner of this little flat, from every inch of that hunched shape on the chair near him.

"I…"

"Yes?" Remus felt like Snape was afraid to tell him. He couldn't think of any other possible answer than that Snape wanted to bribe some werewolf and that way receive reports about Death Eaters´ moves so he could avoid them.

In fact, the real answer was way too shocking.

"I… wanted him to bite me."

"What!" shouted Remus, almost knocked off his feet as he heard the most stupid and unbelievable thing he had ever thought about.

"Do you know what you want? Every month having those painful transformations, fearing that you would destroy someone's life just by biting them… do you know, what have you wanted to do!"

"Yes… I know. This is why I've said there was no chance for me to survive, when it's you."

"Tell me, how that stupid idea of becoming a werewolf struck you?" growled Remus. He knew he was slightly, bit by bit, giving in to all the things that troublesome man said. He had never really hated Severus Snape, not even in his school years like Sirius and James did, though he didn't like him for sure. And now, when he knew his reasons and understood them, it seemed right to help this broken man. 

"It's stupid, I know… but werewolves under Fenrir know me. If I would become one of them, they would maybe accept me and you know, though Fenrir is under Dark Lord's command, he would never do any harm to loyal werewolf. They liked me more than any other Death Eater - I never treated them like some monsters, like _they _did. Well… I think it's because of you…"

Remus almost let his mouth open in surprise.

"What? I almost killed you once, don't you remember?"

"Yes… but maybe it's you, who doesn't remember it well. It was fault of that idiotic Black, not yours."

Snape smiled, and though it was very tired smile, it was really much nicer than his usual sarcastic grin.

"I think it really _is _stupid idea, you know… you won't persuade me with those childish praises."

Snape stood up and suddenly he was way too close.

"Then what about more… adult… methods?"

Remus's eyes went wide when he realized what Snape was going to do. And he didn't stop him, for reasons he didn't know himself. Snape's lips tasted like that coffee he had drunk, bitter, hot and soft against Remus's own. 

"What was that?" whispered Remus under his breath, when Snape pulled away, his eyes looking like two full moons to poor werewolf – dangerous, but strangely attractive.

"You were the one who disagreed with childlike actions," said Snape and his voice became way too erotic, deep and soft, stroking Remus lightly and slowly with all that melancholy. He was unable to respond, unable to talk back with words, to tell him that it was totally wrong. He just gave in to Snape's lips, when they came back kissing him again.

Remus wanted to be reasonable, he really did, but all his reasons went away with gentle touch of those delicious lips on his neck.

"I have the fiancée… I… aah…"

As if the dark-haired man knew all his erogenous spots and was kissing them on purpose. At Remus's remark, kisses suddenly stopped.

Cold smirk against his heated skin, telling him without words to shut up and treasure the moment.

"It's not like I'm asking you to marry me…"

He said no more. It was no need – all that mattered was that strange, alluring feeling binding their bodies together, sealing their lips against the other one's.

Remus tasted blood from Snape's bruised lip – he was unable to resist. He knew he shouldn't do that, he knew his senses were way too sharp and too close to the senses of a beast, but he just simply couldn't pull away and part from those lips. He craved for them like he'd never done before for anyone else's kisses, the ferrous taste of blood drawing him even closer, deeper to the depths of those beautiful dark eyes.

"Bite me…" whispered Snape, when they parted for long enough for him to do that.

And Remus couldn't oppose, with that heated blood still on his lips, with the image of those tiny dark-red drips flowing in Snape's body not so long ago.

He gently bit on Snape's lower lip and enjoyed that bittersweet taste of blood, of _his _blood, ignoring silent sigh of pain. And in that taste there was something which shouldn't be there, something that reminded Remus of the life he was leading right now, of Tonks, of his work for the Order now that Dumbledore was gone. And it was so very disturbing, those memories and those parts of his life that he pulled away at once.

"Now, you have what you've wanted," said Remus as he saw a puzzled look on Snape's face.

"What…"

"You wanted me to bite you. If you had expected to turn into something fluffy and wolf-like right this second, you were wrong."

When Snape figured out the meaning behind Remus's words, werewolf was already taking his leave.

"Hey! Where are you…?"

The smile on Remus's lips was somewhat canine; his eyes glowing like an amber jewels in the darkness of the room, as he spoke, perfectly composed and cold.

"You couldn't possibly think I would make you turn into that something I fear most inside of myself." 

Yes, he couldn't, of that Snape was perfectly aware. His smile turned just as sarcastic as that of Remus.

"I did… somehow."

Werewolf's eyes studied his features for quite some time; in one tiny second Snape wished for the other man to just return back, to stay by his side for this one and only night.

And then he just knew; realized the truth behind those two little lights in the amber eyes: Remus was way too responsible, way too adult to do something without meaning, or, better said, with only meaning of short pleasure, with meaning that was here just for one night or even for only one hour. Maybe that was the reason he feared his inhuman part. He knew his place, he knew he was a beast and he despised it, not wanting anyone to experience the same pain of not knowing oneself.

Snape understood his silent pleads.

"Bye," whispered Remus to the silent darkness of the room, darkness, in which he could recognize that familiar figure standing alone. He could even see that somehow blaming look in his dark eyes, if he had wanted to.

But he didn't.


End file.
